I keep forgetting that love isn't just a one way effort.. to make a relationship work,both parties have to put in the effort. You both have to care for each other,both have to make sacrifices for the other,even when you really don't want to.Love isn't easy,it can be real feckin' hard work at times but at the end of the day it's worth it.Usually anyway.

You probably expect me now to go on a rant now,maybe about how my other half doesn't care for me,or how he doesn't make any sacrifices and does what he wants all the time.Unfortunately it's me who's the bad guy in this scenario..

If this turns sour,which I hope to any God that will listen to me that it won't,then it will all be my fault.I've come to realise that I don't make any effort whatsoever.I don't make any sacrifices even when I can and should for him,I make him do everything.I'm always trying to get my own way,get pissed off at every single little thing and I'm fucking ashamed of myself.

How would I react if he treated me the same? I'd give him a good boot up the arse,I'll tell you that.But he does whatever I want,if it makes me happy.Some girls might turn around now and go "Well what the feck are you giving out about? Sounds like you've got the best of both worlds!"

Even if I do,I don't want it anymore,it's not fair.The same rules should apply to me in this relationship but for some reason I never follow them,not intentionally..well maybe a little..which is horrible and I just..ugh I just feel so horrible. Why do I think that it's okay for me to act like this,but not for him? 'Cos I'm a fucking selfish bitch,obviously.I take him for granted sooooo much but one day he's going to realise that he can do MUCH better,that there are girls out there,prettier,smarter,wittier than I am who'll let him do whatever the feck he wants.And when he leaves I'll be heartbroken.Wondering why I never did anything.

That's why now I have to change..I HAVE to.He says that I'm perfect the way I am,but I'm not changing drastically,just going to become a better person.For him.Because he deserves it.

What a random blogpost I must say..meh

Love is a strange thing.I myself haven't had the best luck with it in the past,but now things seem to be going pretty good.But my heart goes out to those who have major trouble with it,especially some of my friends.. It's one of those problems where you simply can't help them. What can you do? Be there for them,tell them that in the end it'll all be okay,but does that even help?

I feel so helpless when in situations like those,when you know you're powerless,that you can't do anything..all you can really do is wish them the best..but DOES that help?

And on that note,I must be off,

Cheerio x.x.x.x.x

Today Was Gonna Be The Day..

This fucking weekend was AWESOME,if I say so myself =D Just had so much fun and..awwh it was just epic=) And on Wednesday I'm seeing Green Day with Jem Jem and hopefully Macker which should be deadly! Life can't get any fucking better right now lmao

Life is just so awesome..for once seriously! I love it,this week has been the best week fucking ever =) Had so much fun with all my friends and someone told me that on Saturday I kept saying I love you Ste..haha we had fun times with the gang and I do love you Ste =]

So I have two choices..kinda.This Friday I can either go to youth club (to which I haven't been in yonks) or to AC's biggest gig to date in the Academy.I really wanna go see AC..but the parentals are ever so slightly strict on going into town late =S We'll see what happens though,cos I really wanna support the guys =]

And I just want to say that I am in love with Eoin McDonagh =] Yeh call me stupid or whatever,or say that "there's no such thing as love etc." but I can tell you that in my case,love fucking exists.I trust this guy with my life and spending the rest of my days with him would be the fucking best =] I'm so glad you asked me to meet Lewis baby LMAO! Haha and awwh i just love you so much,and I hope to god that you feel the same too =) I've never felt this way about someone before,and if I didm why would I lie and waste my time and write this? You know how fecking lazy I am,so why would I even bother? =P

Okay the laziness has finally set in..I couldn't be arsed writing anything else and I'm gonna head to bed cos I'm knackered.This weekend has be sooooo mad and hectic,so could you fucking blame me?

Night toodles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To Merissa- I don't know why we're doing this through blogs,but ah well, here we go.

Duno why I didn't use your name in the blogs,it's not really a question that infuriates me anyways so yeh :L I know that you couldn't list off ALL the shit that I wrote in my blog,obviously. But the main reason why I don't think we'll ever be the same ever again is cos even though you weren't planning on doing it,the fucking THOUGHT of "deflating my ego" went through your head? Even THINKING about doing that pisses me off.That basically means that you wanted to bully me,until I thought myself worthless. And you thought I was "leader of the group"?That I thought I was better than everyone else? I'm not the one who gave myself that title,and I'm sorry if I get on with people? Is that such a fucking crime?


And dude stop saying "if I died tomorrow you wouldn't care".That's such a childish,heartless thing to say.Of course I'd fucking care. Just shows how much you think of me I guess.Even if we're not as close I'd still care,obviously.I do have a heart,in case you haven't noticed.

And I'm not saying I'm innocent in all of this shenanigans,but you and everyone else constantly bitched about me,and little by little you's all grew more distant.And you's thought that you could give me shit and offer me a "second chance",but why would I agree to it when I don't think I need one? If we both have done the same shit why am I the one who needs a second chance :L
I've grown up from the whole "let's target someone and mess with their heads and then maybe not be their friends" shite.That's soooooooooooo March like lmao :L

And the thing I'm just uber pissed about is the fact that everyone calls me two faced,even though they're equally in the wrong? I said shit to people about other people (and the shit wasn't even that bad?) hoping that I could trust them not to tell the shit to the people it was about (you did this as well Merissa) but nooooooooo you's had to say EVERYTHING I said.Then make it out that I was two faced? Aren't you's all two faced aswell,seeing as I trusted you's with that shit?

And yes Merissa I know I'm a bitch too for telling your secret yada yada. I did not say it out of spite,I forget how it even came up really.But it was told and the person I told it to promised she wouldn't say it back to you.And I believed I could trust the fucking whore :L So I didn't tell your secret out of spite,but it was told.And when you found out you should have just told me you knew,and asked me why I told and stuff and I would have admitted I was in the wrong.But you said it after that whole fucking commotion with Lucy,which was seriously not the best time as after all the shit she said to me I believed everyone hated me.

All this shit just heated up and became a bigger deal than it ever had to be.You shouldn't have kept it inside,you should have just told me what I did wrong and more than likely shit would have been okayy.

But nah,like in usual girl fashion,a scene had to be made =]

(and yes I know I use the word shit a lot xD )
xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yoo.

Today was a pretty fun day.Hung out in Lewis' with him Ste and Lewis' lil bro while Macker was at band practice with the others.Was paranoid about shite but it was actually pretty fun =]

Then we went out for a bit and then when Macker came back from Dave's a few of us went up to Louis' house and watched Brooke Knows Best,cos we're TOO awesome for words betches XD And then we realised it was the perfect opportunity to take band pics for Zero Tolerance cos ALL the members were there so I was photographer for the day and we took some pretty retarded pics,in Louis' bath and his mam's bed and shite.Just hope his mam doesn't notice the smell of boy in her bed or she'll be wondering what Louis was up to =S lmao!

Then we went Ste's cos he had a free gaff and we danced and shite for awhile and got scared shitless out his scary garden XD And then we had a major orgy in his bro's room with his permantly erect dog Jake =]

All in all it was a good day but then I kinda wrecked it at the end,sorry =[ I was in a weird mood but I love you.

And,going out to YOU again.I was just really disappointed that you didn't stick up for me,and some of the points I made in my last post you didn't mention to me.Some you did,yes,like ending the war,but the points about not applying the same rules to me as your friend and shit,you didn't mention that.I'm not going to continue this shit but you just gotta realise that I probably won't act the same around you as before,and I wouldn't hold it against you if you did the same.

Love ya'll
Keeva xxxxxxxx

The Truth Lies In The Blog Name Baby

I really truly despise blogs nowadays.Everyone writes shit in them that they'd never say to your face,and then their excuse is that you "don't have to read it if you don't want to?". What a stupid feckin excuse.Like,just cos I don't read it doesn't mean it's not there?

And this goes out to you,and you know it's to you when you read it,just let me have MY say.

Okay,so you say people don't bitch about their friends,yada yada but that's a lie and you know it is.Friends bitch about each other,not maliciously but at the end of the day it still happens.It could be pointing out a flaw of theirs etc. but it's just general girl-ism or whatever the feck you want to call it.Big deals don't have to be caused by it,but of course you couldn't let that happen.I'm not trying to be a bitch,I'm just explaining my point of view.If I told a secret of yours,why couldn't you just point that out to me? Instead of telling me in the middle of this mess I'm having with her? You've bitched about me,I know you have and if you have I don't care.It's human nature.And you can't blame me for believing what other people said,when everyone else has said that you've said it.Whenever I used to ask you if you said shit about you,you went on a rant,saying that I shouldn't ever think you'd say that cos your my "best friend".

So why doesn't the same rule apply to me? When I denied that stuff,why didn't you believe me? Why are the rules different? I can admit when I'm wrong,but you should too.This is just me having my say.And of course I won't talk to you outside when I'm pissed with you?

You said in earlier blogs that we apologised to each other,when the hell did we ever do that? We never did? We talked but we never made up? I'm glad we had a proper talk about it the other day though,and yes I was disappointed that you didn't stick up for me.

We've both experienced the same shit in our lives,surely that wouldn't have made you stick uo for me even more? Cos you know how much it hurts? As a "best friend" that was the least I expected from you,to stick up for me? And no,you're not the only person I'm targeting cos I've said it to everyone and I've apologised for anything I've said to anyone.

But what you's BASICALLY did was take every single "bad" comment I said in the past few months and even when I trusted all of you,you's went off and told the people that they were about,to? You call me two-faced,but all of you are.We're all in the same boat here.

We're girls
We bitch
It's life.
And yes we bitch about our friends too,but what else have we got to do in our spare time? And that goes out to EVERYONE.
We all do it
Get over it,how old are we all now?

And I blocked you for like a day and then my internet stopped working :L

So just get over this.This is NOT a bitchy blog,so don't take it up that way

Keeva x

I'm dancing in the moonlight                               It's caught me in its spotlight..

Heyy everyone.I'm in a Thin Lizzy mood right now,they're making me happy so I'm just gonna keep listening to them.Cos being happy is awesome,fuck anyone who says that it's "over-rated".Being happy..it's an deadly feeling for obvious reasons.And anyone who says that it's not that great a thing obviously have never truly experienced the feeling.When you are deriously happy,and nothing anyone says can bring you down..well that's a glorious feeling and how dare anyone say it's not.

Right now,yeh I'm happy, and I can admit that.I'm not afraid to.I'm not going to go around pretending that everything's going to shit,when it's not.Yeh life isn't perfect right now but at this moment in time I'm aigh't.I could be happier,but you can always be happier.I'm pretty content with how I'm feeling right now.

Yeh tomorrow's a different day,and maybe everything will change and I'll turn into a depressed wreck but why think about tomorrow?

I've learned to make the most of what I got and not to worry about stupid fickle things.Okay yeh..I say that and I DO still worry and complain about random shit,but I'm trying my best.I'm not perfect,I'm sure you all know that by now but I'm just going to try and make the best of any situation I'm in and deal with shit if or when it's thrown at me.

And all of this came from listening to Thin Lizzy..It's amazing how music can make you feel.

R.I.P. Phil xx

Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town..

Minds Can Change Easily..But In This Case,Let's Hope Not =S

I'm in the business of misery,Let's take it from the top.
She's got a body like an hourglass that's ticking like a clock.
It's a matter of time before we all run out,
When I thought he was mine she caught him by the mouth.
I waited eight long months,She finally set him free.
I told him I couldn't lie he was the only one for me.
Two weeks and we had caught on fire,
She's got it out for me,But I wear the biggest smile.

Whoa, I never meant to brag
But, I got him where I want him now.
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now.
But god does it feel so good,Cause I got him where I want him now.
And if you could then you know you would.
Cause god it just feels so...It just feels so good.

Second chances they don't ever matter, people never change.
Once a whore you're nothing more, I'm sorry, that'll never change.
And about forgiveness, we're both supposed to have exchanged.
I'm sorry honey, but I'm passing up, now look this way.
Well there's a million other girls who do it just like you.
Looking as innocent as possible to get to who,
They want and what they like it's easy if you do it right.
Well I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

I watched his wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving you
Just watch my wildest dreams come true
Not one of them involving...

Thanks Lucy,for bringing that song to my attention haha. Luv yhuu xx

I Salute You

Neil Diamond,oh how do you make me so happy?

Fuck This,Fuck EVERYTHING

Everything I fucking do is always thrown back in my face.

When I try and help nothing good comes of it.

Nobody would fucking notice if I weren't here.

Do ask me please,why the FUCK do I even bother?

What's the point,what IS the fucking point? What good am I getting from this?

Nothing ever goes right, as self centred as that sounds.

So? I give up. I don't give a shit anymore.

Don't call for me cos I'm not fucking home. 

Oh How Tv Shows Make Us Feel Shit..

Hello there earthlings,I use the term loosely..
Well today I woke up to the sound of my brother hammering out the tiles in the bathroom.What a pleasant thing to hear at 10 in the morning.. So I went downstairs,desperate for somewhere to go where I wouldn't hear the wretched noise.So the sitting room seemed like quite a good place to me.

If only I knew that it would soon depress the shit outta me ><

I was watching Maury,desperate to have a glimpse at the lives of someone more unfortunate than me. But of course,it had to be one of the happier shows,you know the ones where they make people's lives better? Yes my dears,I hate those ones too.

So there was this one woman who was to be reunited with a man she was once in love with when she was 16.She was 36 now may I add.Anyway,she gained contact with him again through the wonder that is the internet.And it turned out that this man,whom she hadn't spoken to in 20 years felt the exact way she felt for him and when he came on the show he declared his love for her,proposed and yada yada you get the rest.

Why did this make me feel shit,I hear you ask.Well it's just the fact that..you know,I wish someone would care for me as much as those two cared for each other.They hadn't seen each other in 20 years and still their love for each other stood the test of time.How I wish something like that would happen to me..*insert dramatic pose here* Oh don't worry,I know that I'm only 14 (15 nearly may I add,as if that makes much of a difference) and that I have PLENTY of time to look for love,but it still got to me.Recently Keevs' love life hasn't been the best,and she's taking a break from it for awhile (unless of course someone just TOO amazing comes along..).And I know it sounds so sappy,and is such an idiotic thing to get remotely upset about but..it's times like these where seeing other people happy makes me..unhappy.

Oh how melancholy has this post become, "I hate seeing other people happy".

But it's not the fact that I'm not happy,I actually am.I have great friends..well,at the moment anyway.I love my family and you know,life is good at the moment.But there have been a few things during the last month or so that have knocked me down,and I'm still picking up the pieces.

Ah sure,things will be back to normal soon enough,as they always are.Keevs always has her ways of sorting things out..This time should be no different.

I Love You All
Especially You ;)
Toodles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OMFG I GOT NEW FRIENDS! I'm NOT Obsessed =P xx

Hey everyone yeh I'm never really go on this anymore but meh I feel like going on it today so..um..I am =]

Yeh recently I made some new friends, Nicky and Danny and I fucking love them! Yeh okay maybe I met them off the internet, but to be honest I've learned that that's where the best friends I have have come from =P So yeh I've met up with them a couple of times and they are such awesome guys and I fucking love them.

And Danny,I know I'm not supposed to mention this cos it makes us come close to tears whenever we talk about it,but he might have to move back to Singapore at the end of the year,depending on his exam results. If he leaves I will actually cry my heart out..as sad and emo as that sounds,but even though I've known him only a few weeks now he is a really good friend of mine and he means so much to me and I'd hate to see him leave.. Ughh I'm gonna stop talking about it now before I cry.

We're going to think happy thoughts from now on and pretend that he's not going anywhere,but just in case he does we're going to make the most of this summer and make sure that it's the best one that he ever has =] We love you Danny!

Hmm..what else..eh yeh I'm just gonna say boy troubles. Not gonna explain anything just going to say I am suffering from a heavy case of confusion right now.. 

My puppy has gotten bigger! I'd send you like a photo or something but guys,you know how retarded and shitty with technology I am..so..eh..maybe another time when my more intellectual friends are online and I can ask them how to do it =P

MISSA AND CHRIS ARE GOING OUT! They are actually soooooooooooo cute together it's unreal =) 

And at the moment I'm listening to Wan singing..he's actually really good =] But yeh I have no idea what he's doing right now and I'm kinda scared lol!!!!!

Okayys well eh I have no idea what the hell I'm typing,I'm just seeing how much I can type without having to stop and think and this is all I can get out so like yeh I'm gonna go now..... LoveYouAllSoFuckingMuchToodles!

And Missa you're the exception..ask me later ;) xxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry For Yeh,Nothing! =S

Apologies for the lack of posts recently,I've just forgotten to update this and I'm also a tad bit busy,it being the holidays and all. I've just been out with friends most days,in town and stuffs like.This summer has been pretty fun so far, apart from several unnecessary fights had with my friends,but I seriously couldn't be arsed going into the details :(

I also made up with one of my friends who I haven't talked to in months,and I'm glad we're friends again :)

I've started going out with this guy that I'm really happy with

And right now,I'm in my grandparents house as I'm going to work in the playschool out their backgarden til Thursday,to try and get SOME money XD


I also got a puppy the other day! It's a shih-tzu called Roxy(I didn't want to call it that though:( ). She was such a surprise though,cos I had no idea that we were getting a dog! XD

I love her soooo much though,she's like the cutest thing ever and she's only like 6 weeks old! O.O

Anywayys yeh,I'm soooo knackered so I'll update later cos there's some more shit that I need to talk about

LoveYouAll,EspeciallyYou;) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Toodles xx

CHECK THIS OUT PWEESE

Heyy Everyone! Please check out my new blogs, one for when I'm happy and one for when I'm pissed off or sad!!... I was bored okayy?? haha xxx

http://keevak.blogspot.com/

http://keevabehappy.blogspot.com/

http://pissedoffkeeva.blogspot.com/

Gaa =S

Hello Peasants (personal joke, don't worry guys)

So I'm supposed to be studying.. well if you call watching tv and talking to people on msn studying well then I'm doing a pretty kickass job! Last weekend was pretty awesome, I'll give you the lowdown homies:

Friday-Went to the Gaa where I thought I'd be more of hoe than I actually was.. lol, I was still an ickle bit whorish, but ya'll don't need to know that! I didn't think I'd enjoy it, but it was actually pretty fun. But my bro got in a fight with a couple of guys there and the police were called.. oh well, it couldn't be the most PERFECT night, could it? Oh, and before the Gaa we were looking through my friend Niamh's brother's school annuals and we saw a few pretty embarrassing pics of some of my friends.. ain't gonna namedrop though!

Saturday-Woke up at 1:30pm and somehow made it out of the house for 2pm!! I have a talent of some sort, if I say so myself! So I met up with Chris, my God Dylan (haha!), Fiona and Laura and we planned to go to Maynooth.. we DID go, it just involved us being 2 hours late there, since me and Fiona forget the time the bus was supposed to come at and spend a little bit too much time in Centra! Maynooth was pretty cool though, we went to the K&B music shop and the guitars there were so awesome! They even had a SPONGEBOB guitar! And they had this really deadly purple electric guitar that was only like 130euro! O= Even though it was nearly fucking raining, Laura and Fiona decided to wear shorts and became a little self conscious when everyone started looking at them lol! Oh, and in Supermacs they gave us free pizza! It was probably to make up for the fact that they turned off You've Been Framed in favour of the damn news!! :( And Laura accidentally left 10 euro on the tray there.. and in Fiona's house, Chris accidentally hit Dylan in the balls.. but that's a story for another day!

Sunday-Was out with Laura,Fiona,Dave,Shane,Kate,Buttons,Tom,Marty,Chris,Josh,Ducky,David,Sabrina and some other peeps in Castletown and we had a halfhearted barbecue and loads of us went swimming in the Liffey. We went a bit TOO deep into the forest though, and ended up in Leixlip where Buttons and all jumped off a fucking MASSIVE wall into Salmon Creek..I think that's what it's called? haha, and then Dave came back to my house and FINALLY got my guitar tuned! He did it by ear too, and it took him about an hour. Then when he left my mam said there was a guitar tuner in the kitchen! =S And when my sis saw him she was an ickle scared, cos he's like a 6ft 4 emo!! But you gotta luv Dave anywayys XD

And he said that he'd teach me guitar every Tuesday for free! That guy's amazing, seriously!
It was also Dylan's birthday on Sunday so HAPPY (late) BIRTHDAY DYLLIE!! =]

My dog has an ear infection :'( Sucks much? lol

Oh my god, on the way home today from like meeting up with peeps, we all started recording our own version of the theme tune from Two And A Half Men. No one was staring at us..haha, I was the kid! =P

Okayys, gotta go and "study" peeps, I'm gonna do SOOOOO well in my exams, right?

Haha toodles everyone! I love you!!

<3>

Random Blogging.. Why Not?

So yeh, random blogging cos I'm bored XD

Ughh, I'm sorry to say that I gave in to my friend, and told him my bra size.. no, not because I am some easy whore, I just thought to myself "Wait, it's not actually that bad to tell people". Because it's not. Like dudes, I didn't flash the guy! I simply gave him 2 numbers and a letter! Not as bad as I thought the idea was lawl, so don't shoot me!

Well, not much has happened recently, just thought I owed you a blog..

Well, on Saturday I went to Liffey Valley with Kate, Shane and Jem and it was pretty cool. But Shane had to leave early and accidentally took all of our cookies with him. I swear he had that planned and I'm really pissed cos I wanted them back and he hate them all!!

SHANE IS THE COOKIE STEAKER!

He owes me 2 cookies...

Anyways yeh, I have to go to the GAA Disco on Friday. In some weird way, I'm actually looking forward to it. Supposedly it's the last one in 3rd year and all of my friends are going so it should be fun XD I have no idea what I'm going to waer though, because I'm not into all that slutty dress shit you know? It's a disco but even so, Keeva ain't changing for no one =D


I got Green Day's new album! It's pretty good, but it's nowhere near as good as American Idiot but then again, I didn't expect it to be seeing as American Idiot was that fucking amazing. East Jesus Nowhere and Murder City are two to watch out for XD


My summer tests start next week and as usual, I haven't started revising. My plan is usually to...

1.Say constantly that you're not going to revise.


2.Begin to panic the day before your tests, realising that not revising probably wasn't such a good idea.


3.Try to revise for about three subjects at a time. It's not easy, trust me.

4.Try and cram in as much information as fucking possible.


5.The next day spend any oppurtunity you get revising.

6.Try and revise until the damn exam starts.

And yeh, that's my plan. And do you want to know what the most fucked up thing about it is? It actually works! I actually get pretty okay-good marks using my ingenius plan.

Not that I'm telling you all to copy me. This only works in some cases, as some of my friends will have learned..

Oh yeh, I made a Vlog on Youtube! I'll give you the link next time XD

Luv you all

Hi Jak =D

Toodles

<3>

I'm Such A Sap!

Oh my God, I'm such a sap. I read the last blog that I wrote, where I was really sad and was talking about how my friends helped me through tough times, and I started crying! God, I'm so sad haha. I'm not saying that what I said in the blog wasn't true, I'm just saying like.. I cried? haha

Me and Dyllie have finally gotten over our shyness! I've known him since like January and we could never talk in person because we were both so shy but now, finally, we're able to talk! Yay!! XD

I'm supposed to be going to Liffey Valley on Saturday with my friend Kate. I've known her for like 2 years and she lives relatively close to me but I've NEVER seen her! haha, don't worry though folks, she IS real =P So yeh, should be awesome =)

I'm making a chocolate biscuit cake in home-ec tomorrow! Gonna be so yummy!

And FINALLY I understand my maths! Well, the bit that we're on now anyways lol. I'm in honours btw, it's mad hard and I'm only in second year like so it's gonna get WAYY harder!

I untuned my guitar by accident.. and I dunno how to tune it back so I'm screwed! haha, my grandad says he's gonna try and get my a Fender. I can't play all too good, but he offered to get me one for free, I was hardly going to say no, was I? lawl

So yeh, you've all probably noticed that I'm far more happier than I was in the last post, and you'd be right! I'm going to make the most of it too XD

On a more serious note.. a lot of people in Kildare have been committing suicide lately.

First it was some girl in Maynooth, then it was a girl who used to be in my friend Jemma's class in primary and next was a girl who was in 6th class in Laura and Merissa's primary school.

And someone told me that they all knew each other, which I find really strange, seeing as they all killed themselves within weeks, even days of each other. Now, I'm not 100% sure that they all knew each other, but many people have been saying that have. So, is there like some conspiracy going on? I'm not joking when I say that, making fun of the situation, I'm actually wondering. Maybe not as much if they didn't know each other, but if they did.. maybe something's going on?

Anywayys I gotta run, my friend is trying to get me to tell him my bra size but I won't lawl. Random? Yes
True? Unfortunately..

I'm not gonna tell him though lol

Toodle!!

<3>

Can't Take It Anymore

Seriously, I don't know why this bullshit keeps happening to me. I don't get why it all just can't stop. It's been going on for fucking 14 years and then finally, I thought everything was okay. But after this shitty week, I now think different.

I sound like a certain someone I used to know, complaining about my life, saying how shitty it is. But everyone, I would just love to tell you what exactly is wrong, but I can't. Not because I can't explain it, or that I don't know what's wrong, it's simply the fact that I don't WANT to tell you all, because I don't think it's your business.

But I have got a reason to complain and moan and kick and scream and cry. Some of you know why, some of you don't and that's the way it's going to stay. Usually by now I would say "Seriously, I can't take it anymore", but I'm going to do what I have done for the last 14 years.

Ignore it all.

Why care about it? Why keep stressing over it? It's not me doing the damage, and I'll get out of this okay, we all will. Well, most of us will.

Everything will be back to normal soon, then it's going to happen again, then it'll go back to normal again.. and so on, so fucking forth.

But I can deal with it. It's weird, this blog seems to get more optimistic the more I write. The main thing that really helps me get through these shitty times are my family obviously, and especially my friends.

I want to give a shout out to the ones who were there when I needed them.

Merissa, Jemma, Laura, Fiona, Aishling, Chris, Dylan and Shane.

You were all there for me when I needed you the most, even though some of you don't even realise it.

Even simple things like making me laugh helps guys! And I love you for that, for putting up with my bullshit, for continuing to talk to me on those rare occasions when I let you know I was depressed, and even the times when I didn't let you know.

I love you all, and I want you to know that.

No matter what happens between us all, you will all have a place in my heart.

Gay..but true :)

<3>

Meh and Yeh.. and Meh, I Dunno

Yeh, for the past week I've been getting upset randomly and I have no idea why. People keep telling me it's hormones but I think it's more than that.

I shouldn't have been too mad in the playground, all my bones hurt now and it sucks lawl, I'm too old (even though I'm only 14 haha ).

I got off school early on Tueday cos I was sick (I was more upset than sick, but let's just say I was sick).

And today (Thursday) I didn't go to school cos I was sick too.

My mam thinks I'm being bullied lawl, but I'm actually not!

She also thinks that I should go to a counsellor and tbh, I'm considering it.

Youth club tomorrow! Woohoo!

I get to see all my awesome friends!

And I'm probably going to town this weekend too, which should also be awesome :P

nothing more to say.. oh btw, I'm trying to play guitar again (not going too good haha)

Toodles!

<3>

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU

I hate him so much, I hate him so much, I hate him so much I fucking hate him so much!!

Anyway, moving on, today I went to the playground with Sabrina, Chris, Laura, Josh, Jemma, Fiona, Missa and Ducky. I was like mad hyper and we were scaring all the little kids lawl! I've never been so damn hyper in my life, and I felt like a little kid XD

Then later we met up with Glen, Ali, Cliff and G. I had a pretty awesome day but then some confusing shit happened with someone who was kinda stood up by someone else..but meh lawl

We actually tried calling for Buttons but his mammy said that he was sick =(

Oh yeh, and the only thing I've eaten today was like 3 chip sticks and a quarter of an Easter egg lawl! :P Is that healthy? Meh, I don't care x

Also, Chris has scared the shit outta me. He told me that if I keep drinking energy drinks I'm gonna die.. I've been drinking like one everyday for the past 3 months, not too healthy I'm guessing? haha

School tomorrow! :( KILL ME :'(

Meh, nothing else to say..tee tee y elle..

I FUCKING HATE HIM

=]
Toodles

<3>

LAURA'S BACK FROM THE LAND OF OBAMA!! YAY!!!!!!! =)

Just thought I'd express my feelings on her return lawl x

Today we all just watched Role Models in Fiona's house, was pretty awesome, the nerdy guy from SuperBad was in it, AND Jorma from The Lonely Island!! You should have heard us all scream when he came on haha =) Oh, and Missa, Ash and me all recorded a vid of us singing the AwesomeTown song, I was Akiva for OBVIOUS reason haha!

Me and Missa decided that we're going to make our own world called Humpia, and we will be called Humpians XD

Peeps who were at Fifi's house were... (let me see if I can remember them all lawl)
Fiona, Me, Laura, Aishling, Merissa, Aoife, Chris, Glenn, Shane, Ali, G, Cliff and Keith? I think that was it lawl :P

So yeh, we had a pretty good day, Missa made me go out in the freezing rain to meet up with Shane without a jacket or an umbrella!! I wouldn't be surprised if I get pneumonia lawl!! :S

And I made up with a friend today, who I thought I had lost. Not gonna mention their name but I'm just glad that most shit has been sorted out =]

School next week!!! Grrrr!!!! Please shoot me =[

My heart keeps hurting, and not in the pathetic emo poetic way (that sounded cool!! =O ) but like there's something wrong with it.. I'm kinda scared :S

And for some reason lately I've been feeling down for no apparent reason and it's really messed up, I don't wanna be sad! I wanna be happy like everyone else!! =(

Nothing else really happened today..tomorrow I'm probs just hanging out with friends and shizz again :P

Oh and btw, please check out Kitty's (my friend Kate's) blog on bebo. She has awesome taste in music and this blog should give you an insight to all the deadly new and upcoming bands XD

http://www.bebo.com/BlogView.jsp?MemberId=123165047&BlogId=9070031744

You Brought It On Yourself

"Self-Inflicted Loneliness"

Yep, that's the best way to put it, and it's awesome to hear that YOU were the one that came up with that phrase

Kids, I think she JUST might be getting the message!

Toodles xoxo

Lies Lies, I Know They Are, Don't Lie

So, more shit happened today. I was on msn, talking to my friends when Sabrina starts talking to me. Innocently enough I talk back, it's only Sabrina,what harm could it do?

Well, when it turned out that it wasn't actually Sabrina, but Lucy, Dave and their 2 other "friends", shit happened.

I just told them to fuck off and not waste my time. You could understand where I was coming from, right? They were obviously looking for a fight, that's what simple people like them do. They have nothing better to do with their sad, sad lives.

They started the taunting and I wasn't going to write back, I was going to be the bigger person. But then I thought to myself, I can turn this shit around. I CAN show them who's the bigger person..but i'll do it in another way. Let's just say my replies to their taunts made them look like fools (and by the way? their taunts were pretty shit anyway haha)

They started off saying I was gay. Oh! Burn! As if I gave 2 shits. That's why I've had several boyfriends, one of them lasting 5, nearly 6 months, and Lucy has had none? (i'm not going to even consider counting her pathetic relationships with Jonny and Glenn). Yes, because I'M gay. Then they said, well your boyfriend didn't like you anyway. Yes guys, that's why he pleaded with me not to break up with him, cos he hated me (i'm only trying to prove a point, not trying to sound big-headed and saying that i'm better than he was or anything).

Then they called me ugly. I never said I was pretty so I REALLY didn't give a fuck.

Then they told me that I was jealous of Buttons (my ex) and Niamh. Yes, jealous of the guy who I barely wanted to go out with in the first place? Sure, why not. My comeback was something along the lines of.. How can I be the one obsessed with Buttons? Surely you all know about how Lucy became depressed when he went out with Aoife, and how she wrote blogs about how much she loved him? Yes, because I'M obsessed with him (btw that's true about Lucy and Buttons lawl, poor Buttons =[ )

Then they said some stupid shit about how my mam was good in bed. OH!!!! What a frickin' good insult haha

Then they started going on about how Lucy could get more boyfriends than me. I told them that I didn't mean to sound big-headed, but I knew MANY a guy that fancy me, and any guy I ask don't fancy Lucy cos they say she's a heartless, self absorbed bitch that wears too much make up..hmm..

Then I said if they didn't believe me, they could ask Dave, because that's what Dave told me once when I asked him if he fancied Lucy. Then? They signed out!

Best thing was? Dave was there, probably feeling soooo embarrassed. I'd have loved to be there, to have been able to experience the damn hostility.

And if they don't believe that Dave said that? They can ask my friends who were there when he said it on msn at my friend Aishling's sleepover, I'm sure it's saved on her computer somewhere..

Oh yeh, and one of the main reasons why guys usually avoid Lucy when it come to going out with her, is because of the way she "let's them down".

Examples:

She told Ruairi, this guy from youth club who is extremely sensitive, that she was a lesbian (when she knew and was clearly not one). She left him crying, myself and some other friends had to help him realise taht she wasn't worth it.

Then she told a guy called Matthew, who, I add, is slightly rotund, that she wouldn't go out with him because "she couldn't see past the fat flabs". Matthew is only 12/13 and I doubt being told THAT made his life any damn easier. And she thought she was funny when she said that but no one else fucking thought so.

Those are SOME of the examples of why guys don't really like Lucy in that way, so I wasn't being mean I was just being honest. She thinks she's too good for all of them, but I'm pretty damn sure that Dave will soon be an exception.

Well I'm guessing you all know now that I'm not Dave's friend either? lawl, I wasn't planning on not being his friend cos I thought he was a nice guy, but after we told him that we weren't going to be friends with Lucy he launched into a massive rant about how we had no right to and shit. He hasn't even known Lucy for a fucking MONTH, who the hell is he to judge? It's not as if we even told him to stop being friends with her! Oh yeh, and THAT fight? It was with my friend Merissa, a twelve year old. He's nearly 17, and he picked a fight with a 12 year old? Then he totally contradicted himself yesterday. On msn he was going on about how immature Merissa was and then he texted me, telling me he thought she was too mature for her age and that she should act like a kid. Wtf? Make up your mind dude! HE'S the fucking immature one!

Oh and Lucy, regarding your blog, that weird, sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach? It's call regret. Regret for what you have become, or more like have always been, regret for all the friends you lost, and regret for having numerous chances and not using them to the most of their ability.

Regret

Ahhhh, such a sweet sweet feeling, when it's not you experiencing it

Toodles xoxoxo

Too Happy For Words =]

Well I'm not friends with Lucy again. I'm glad that I get to announce this lawl, I've been wanting to end our friendship (Lucy's) for ages now and finally my friends and I plucked up the courage to do it.

Both groups said some hurtful things to each other, but then Lucy did something REAL bitchy. She started talking to my 12 year old sister on msn. She was real biased, telling my sister what I said to Lucy, but not saying WHY I said it. She made me seem like the bad person. Like, how low can you go? She tried to turn my own SISTER against me? How much bitchier can you get? My sister isnt listening to Lucy thank god, but that has just made me hate her even more.

Anyways..I'm just happy to say Im not her friend, now the group I am in is finally perfect =]

Bitchy yes... but so was Lucy

And she admits it, so why cant I? It's only fair xD

Toodles xoxoxo

Karma Is A Whore

Well.. I dumped Dave.

It doesn't seem THAT bad I guess, seeing as I wasn't dumped like..but I really did like Dave. Some of the obvious reasons for me dumping him were like, because he told me on several occasions that he didnt think the relationship would last and when he said that, I didnt see the point in continuing the relationship etc. I have other reasons too..but I cant tell you them, cos I havent even told HIM them lawl!

Everyone was all like "Why did you dump him? He was so hot! If you liked him that much you should have waited to get dumped!"

Ha! Wait to BE dumped? I really was not that desperate! And the other reasons why I dumped him..well, they couldnt really be resolved..

And now I feel really lonely. I know that sounds SOOO sad and pathetic and I resent myself for feeling this way, but I cant help it :(

But there's not much I can do I guess..

Better new-Im going to France tomorrow!

Wont be back til Wednesday so will talk to you again then

Bye! xoxo

Shit Happens I Guess x

Well.. as you all may have heard, I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months last week. Was a pretty messed up story though. I broke up with him last Monday, then I got back with him on the Thursday, then I broke up with him again the following day. You may all think I'm just a whore who has a constant changing mind..and you may be right, but I had my reasons for breaking up with him yet again, and I believe that going out with him the second time WAS a mistake :(

I would like to say that the break up was mutual, I really would but that would be a blatant lie. It WAS pretty messy, I must admit.. but I hope we can still be friends, even though everytime we talk we seem to get into fights..

I also started going out with Dave. Now I KNOW what you're all thinking "Oh god Keeva, do you have any regards towards Scott's feelings? That you would go and flaunt someone else in front him so soon?" Well that's NOT the case. Scott actually told Dave on several occasions that he could go out with me. I didn't NEED Scott's permission, but it was good to know that he was okay with it.

So.. Missa and Jonny are going out, and they are the most cutest thing ever! They are inseperable whenever they are together, but Missa doesn't get to see him as much as she'd like to as his parents are an ickle bit strict :S

And Keith and Fiona are also going out. They actually cannnot keep their hands off each other, it's kinda scary.. lawl, but they are soooo cute together xD

And I'm going to Paris with my school next Sunday for 4 days!! This will actually only be my second time abroad so it's gonna be uber-awesome!! Aishling + Niamh = Best Roomies Ever!!

School is gay as usual.. but I FINALLY figured out how to use the sewing machine!! I am actually so fucking proud of myself seeing as last year I had NO idea how to use it and got my mam to do practically all of my home-ec project lawl xD

I'm going to see Metallica in August.. I don't exactly know WHY seeing as I don't like them all that much but meh, it's something to do I guess :P

And..I think that's all I gotta say

So I shall tee tee y elle

SHIT!
I just spilled my glass of lemonade over!!
GRRR!!!!!!!!!! =[

Anyways... toodles!! xoxoxoxo

Oh Fuck.... I Was Right

God.. I feel like I've had a premonition...

Ok, let me explain it to all you kinda confused peeps. Remember my last post, where I briefly described how I didn't feel that 2009 was going to be a good year, and I really had no reason to think that? Well... Let's just say that so far, I've been right about it being pretty shit. I don't want to go into intimate details, because I don't feel like telling you (haha, nosey bitches :P ) but.. the year so far has been pretty fucked up.

Sometimes I literally feel like I just can't handle it anymore.. That it's all just become a bit too much... but don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, that's just too drastic and I have too much to live for. In my family, there is a long history of suicides, my mam thinks it might be a genetic thing, that it may be passed on to some family members.. It kinda scares me that it may have been passed on to me, so I have to avoid thinking about suicide at all costs, just in case I decide that it's "a good idea" (which it is NOT!!).

I have to admit something.. it's not that bad, but I have to admit that when I hear about some of my friends contemplating suicide over the most minimal things, it really pissed me off and upsets me. Their reasons for "wanting" to kill themselves are so petty, not even real problems. They don't realise that there are actually people around them who have real problems, and I just find the idea of suicide really selfish. Any problem can be sorted out, it may take some time but it can be sorted out.

And I find it sickening that some people I know can let the words "I want to kill myself" slip out of their mouths so fucking easily, as if it's just a normal thing to say. This may sound bad, but let me tell you something. If you REALLY wanted to kill yourself you would go and do it, you wouldn't be talking to other people about how you want to do it, you would just do it. That's not saying that I think everyone who's come up to me, saying they wanted to kill themselves should do it but do you get what I mean?

Sorry about that rant.. but I kinda wanted to stray away from my own personal issues lol, and please no one take offence from this post if it invloves you, it's just my opinion

Toodles x

New Year=Bad

This is going to be a really quick/short post. Em.. for some reason I keep getting the feeling that 2009 isn't going to be a good year for me, I don't know why it wouldn't be, but I just have a feeling that it won't be.. Fingers crossed my thoughts are wrong, and it's a brilliant year I just have this annoying, nagging feeling that it won't be.. :(