Can't Take It Anymore

Seriously, I don't know why this bullshit keeps happening to me. I don't get why it all just can't stop. It's been going on for fucking 14 years and then finally, I thought everything was okay. But after this shitty week, I now think different.

I sound like a certain someone I used to know, complaining about my life, saying how shitty it is. But everyone, I would just love to tell you what exactly is wrong, but I can't. Not because I can't explain it, or that I don't know what's wrong, it's simply the fact that I don't WANT to tell you all, because I don't think it's your business.

But I have got a reason to complain and moan and kick and scream and cry. Some of you know why, some of you don't and that's the way it's going to stay. Usually by now I would say "Seriously, I can't take it anymore", but I'm going to do what I have done for the last 14 years.

Ignore it all.

Why care about it? Why keep stressing over it? It's not me doing the damage, and I'll get out of this okay, we all will. Well, most of us will.

Everything will be back to normal soon, then it's going to happen again, then it'll go back to normal again.. and so on, so fucking forth.

But I can deal with it. It's weird, this blog seems to get more optimistic the more I write. The main thing that really helps me get through these shitty times are my family obviously, and especially my friends.

I want to give a shout out to the ones who were there when I needed them.

Merissa, Jemma, Laura, Fiona, Aishling, Chris, Dylan and Shane.

You were all there for me when I needed you the most, even though some of you don't even realise it.

Even simple things like making me laugh helps guys! And I love you for that, for putting up with my bullshit, for continuing to talk to me on those rare occasions when I let you know I was depressed, and even the times when I didn't let you know.

I love you all, and I want you to know that.

No matter what happens between us all, you will all have a place in my heart.

Gay..but true :)

<3>

Meh and Yeh.. and Meh, I Dunno

Yeh, for the past week I've been getting upset randomly and I have no idea why. People keep telling me it's hormones but I think it's more than that.

I shouldn't have been too mad in the playground, all my bones hurt now and it sucks lawl, I'm too old (even though I'm only 14 haha ).

I got off school early on Tueday cos I was sick (I was more upset than sick, but let's just say I was sick).

And today (Thursday) I didn't go to school cos I was sick too.

My mam thinks I'm being bullied lawl, but I'm actually not!

She also thinks that I should go to a counsellor and tbh, I'm considering it.

Youth club tomorrow! Woohoo!

I get to see all my awesome friends!

And I'm probably going to town this weekend too, which should also be awesome :P

nothing more to say.. oh btw, I'm trying to play guitar again (not going too good haha)

Toodles!

<3>

I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU

I hate him so much, I hate him so much, I hate him so much I fucking hate him so much!!

Anyway, moving on, today I went to the playground with Sabrina, Chris, Laura, Josh, Jemma, Fiona, Missa and Ducky. I was like mad hyper and we were scaring all the little kids lawl! I've never been so damn hyper in my life, and I felt like a little kid XD

Then later we met up with Glen, Ali, Cliff and G. I had a pretty awesome day but then some confusing shit happened with someone who was kinda stood up by someone else..but meh lawl

We actually tried calling for Buttons but his mammy said that he was sick =(

Oh yeh, and the only thing I've eaten today was like 3 chip sticks and a quarter of an Easter egg lawl! :P Is that healthy? Meh, I don't care x

Also, Chris has scared the shit outta me. He told me that if I keep drinking energy drinks I'm gonna die.. I've been drinking like one everyday for the past 3 months, not too healthy I'm guessing? haha

School tomorrow! :( KILL ME :'(

Meh, nothing else to say..tee tee y elle..

I FUCKING HATE HIM

=]
Toodles

<3>

LAURA'S BACK FROM THE LAND OF OBAMA!! YAY!!!!!!! =)

Just thought I'd express my feelings on her return lawl x

Today we all just watched Role Models in Fiona's house, was pretty awesome, the nerdy guy from SuperBad was in it, AND Jorma from The Lonely Island!! You should have heard us all scream when he came on haha =) Oh, and Missa, Ash and me all recorded a vid of us singing the AwesomeTown song, I was Akiva for OBVIOUS reason haha!

Me and Missa decided that we're going to make our own world called Humpia, and we will be called Humpians XD

Peeps who were at Fifi's house were... (let me see if I can remember them all lawl)
Fiona, Me, Laura, Aishling, Merissa, Aoife, Chris, Glenn, Shane, Ali, G, Cliff and Keith? I think that was it lawl :P

So yeh, we had a pretty good day, Missa made me go out in the freezing rain to meet up with Shane without a jacket or an umbrella!! I wouldn't be surprised if I get pneumonia lawl!! :S

And I made up with a friend today, who I thought I had lost. Not gonna mention their name but I'm just glad that most shit has been sorted out =]

School next week!!! Grrrr!!!! Please shoot me =[

My heart keeps hurting, and not in the pathetic emo poetic way (that sounded cool!! =O ) but like there's something wrong with it.. I'm kinda scared :S

And for some reason lately I've been feeling down for no apparent reason and it's really messed up, I don't wanna be sad! I wanna be happy like everyone else!! =(

Nothing else really happened today..tomorrow I'm probs just hanging out with friends and shizz again :P

Oh and btw, please check out Kitty's (my friend Kate's) blog on bebo. She has awesome taste in music and this blog should give you an insight to all the deadly new and upcoming bands XD

http://www.bebo.com/BlogView.jsp?MemberId=123165047&BlogId=9070031744

You Brought It On Yourself

"Self-Inflicted Loneliness"

Yep, that's the best way to put it, and it's awesome to hear that YOU were the one that came up with that phrase

Kids, I think she JUST might be getting the message!

Toodles xoxo

Lies Lies, I Know They Are, Don't Lie

So, more shit happened today. I was on msn, talking to my friends when Sabrina starts talking to me. Innocently enough I talk back, it's only Sabrina,what harm could it do?

Well, when it turned out that it wasn't actually Sabrina, but Lucy, Dave and their 2 other "friends", shit happened.

I just told them to fuck off and not waste my time. You could understand where I was coming from, right? They were obviously looking for a fight, that's what simple people like them do. They have nothing better to do with their sad, sad lives.

They started the taunting and I wasn't going to write back, I was going to be the bigger person. But then I thought to myself, I can turn this shit around. I CAN show them who's the bigger person..but i'll do it in another way. Let's just say my replies to their taunts made them look like fools (and by the way? their taunts were pretty shit anyway haha)

They started off saying I was gay. Oh! Burn! As if I gave 2 shits. That's why I've had several boyfriends, one of them lasting 5, nearly 6 months, and Lucy has had none? (i'm not going to even consider counting her pathetic relationships with Jonny and Glenn). Yes, because I'M gay. Then they said, well your boyfriend didn't like you anyway. Yes guys, that's why he pleaded with me not to break up with him, cos he hated me (i'm only trying to prove a point, not trying to sound big-headed and saying that i'm better than he was or anything).

Then they called me ugly. I never said I was pretty so I REALLY didn't give a fuck.

Then they told me that I was jealous of Buttons (my ex) and Niamh. Yes, jealous of the guy who I barely wanted to go out with in the first place? Sure, why not. My comeback was something along the lines of.. How can I be the one obsessed with Buttons? Surely you all know about how Lucy became depressed when he went out with Aoife, and how she wrote blogs about how much she loved him? Yes, because I'M obsessed with him (btw that's true about Lucy and Buttons lawl, poor Buttons =[ )

Then they said some stupid shit about how my mam was good in bed. OH!!!! What a frickin' good insult haha

Then they started going on about how Lucy could get more boyfriends than me. I told them that I didn't mean to sound big-headed, but I knew MANY a guy that fancy me, and any guy I ask don't fancy Lucy cos they say she's a heartless, self absorbed bitch that wears too much make up..hmm..

Then I said if they didn't believe me, they could ask Dave, because that's what Dave told me once when I asked him if he fancied Lucy. Then? They signed out!

Best thing was? Dave was there, probably feeling soooo embarrassed. I'd have loved to be there, to have been able to experience the damn hostility.

And if they don't believe that Dave said that? They can ask my friends who were there when he said it on msn at my friend Aishling's sleepover, I'm sure it's saved on her computer somewhere..

Oh yeh, and one of the main reasons why guys usually avoid Lucy when it come to going out with her, is because of the way she "let's them down".

Examples:

She told Ruairi, this guy from youth club who is extremely sensitive, that she was a lesbian (when she knew and was clearly not one). She left him crying, myself and some other friends had to help him realise taht she wasn't worth it.

Then she told a guy called Matthew, who, I add, is slightly rotund, that she wouldn't go out with him because "she couldn't see past the fat flabs". Matthew is only 12/13 and I doubt being told THAT made his life any damn easier. And she thought she was funny when she said that but no one else fucking thought so.

Those are SOME of the examples of why guys don't really like Lucy in that way, so I wasn't being mean I was just being honest. She thinks she's too good for all of them, but I'm pretty damn sure that Dave will soon be an exception.

Well I'm guessing you all know now that I'm not Dave's friend either? lawl, I wasn't planning on not being his friend cos I thought he was a nice guy, but after we told him that we weren't going to be friends with Lucy he launched into a massive rant about how we had no right to and shit. He hasn't even known Lucy for a fucking MONTH, who the hell is he to judge? It's not as if we even told him to stop being friends with her! Oh yeh, and THAT fight? It was with my friend Merissa, a twelve year old. He's nearly 17, and he picked a fight with a 12 year old? Then he totally contradicted himself yesterday. On msn he was going on about how immature Merissa was and then he texted me, telling me he thought she was too mature for her age and that she should act like a kid. Wtf? Make up your mind dude! HE'S the fucking immature one!

Oh and Lucy, regarding your blog, that weird, sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach? It's call regret. Regret for what you have become, or more like have always been, regret for all the friends you lost, and regret for having numerous chances and not using them to the most of their ability.

Regret

Ahhhh, such a sweet sweet feeling, when it's not you experiencing it

Toodles xoxoxo

Too Happy For Words =]

Well I'm not friends with Lucy again. I'm glad that I get to announce this lawl, I've been wanting to end our friendship (Lucy's) for ages now and finally my friends and I plucked up the courage to do it.

Both groups said some hurtful things to each other, but then Lucy did something REAL bitchy. She started talking to my 12 year old sister on msn. She was real biased, telling my sister what I said to Lucy, but not saying WHY I said it. She made me seem like the bad person. Like, how low can you go? She tried to turn my own SISTER against me? How much bitchier can you get? My sister isnt listening to Lucy thank god, but that has just made me hate her even more.

Anyways..I'm just happy to say Im not her friend, now the group I am in is finally perfect =]

Bitchy yes... but so was Lucy

And she admits it, so why cant I? It's only fair xD

Toodles xoxoxo

Karma Is A Whore

Well.. I dumped Dave.

It doesn't seem THAT bad I guess, seeing as I wasn't dumped like..but I really did like Dave. Some of the obvious reasons for me dumping him were like, because he told me on several occasions that he didnt think the relationship would last and when he said that, I didnt see the point in continuing the relationship etc. I have other reasons too..but I cant tell you them, cos I havent even told HIM them lawl!

Everyone was all like "Why did you dump him? He was so hot! If you liked him that much you should have waited to get dumped!"

Ha! Wait to BE dumped? I really was not that desperate! And the other reasons why I dumped him..well, they couldnt really be resolved..

And now I feel really lonely. I know that sounds SOOO sad and pathetic and I resent myself for feeling this way, but I cant help it :(

But there's not much I can do I guess..

Better new-Im going to France tomorrow!

Wont be back til Wednesday so will talk to you again then

Bye! xoxo