Oh Fuck.... I Was Right

God.. I feel like I've had a premonition...

Ok, let me explain it to all you kinda confused peeps. Remember my last post, where I briefly described how I didn't feel that 2009 was going to be a good year, and I really had no reason to think that? Well... Let's just say that so far, I've been right about it being pretty shit. I don't want to go into intimate details, because I don't feel like telling you (haha, nosey bitches :P ) but.. the year so far has been pretty fucked up.

Sometimes I literally feel like I just can't handle it anymore.. That it's all just become a bit too much... but don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, that's just too drastic and I have too much to live for. In my family, there is a long history of suicides, my mam thinks it might be a genetic thing, that it may be passed on to some family members.. It kinda scares me that it may have been passed on to me, so I have to avoid thinking about suicide at all costs, just in case I decide that it's "a good idea" (which it is NOT!!).

I have to admit something.. it's not that bad, but I have to admit that when I hear about some of my friends contemplating suicide over the most minimal things, it really pissed me off and upsets me. Their reasons for "wanting" to kill themselves are so petty, not even real problems. They don't realise that there are actually people around them who have real problems, and I just find the idea of suicide really selfish. Any problem can be sorted out, it may take some time but it can be sorted out.

And I find it sickening that some people I know can let the words "I want to kill myself" slip out of their mouths so fucking easily, as if it's just a normal thing to say. This may sound bad, but let me tell you something. If you REALLY wanted to kill yourself you would go and do it, you wouldn't be talking to other people about how you want to do it, you would just do it. That's not saying that I think everyone who's come up to me, saying they wanted to kill themselves should do it but do you get what I mean?

Sorry about that rant.. but I kinda wanted to stray away from my own personal issues lol, and please no one take offence from this post if it invloves you, it's just my opinion

Toodles x

New Year=Bad

This is going to be a really quick/short post. Em.. for some reason I keep getting the feeling that 2009 isn't going to be a good year for me, I don't know why it wouldn't be, but I just have a feeling that it won't be.. Fingers crossed my thoughts are wrong, and it's a brilliant year I just have this annoying, nagging feeling that it won't be.. :(

Why Do I Feel Like Shit All The Time?? :(

I don't know.. it just seems that all this week I've been feeling completely shit about myself, for various but not valid reasons. Hmm... at this point in time I can't even remember what the reasons are, and that's making me feel even more shit! I'm constantly feeling sorry for myself, even though I know others around me have MUCH bigger problems. I guess this just comes with being a teenager.. and it sucks sooooooooooo much. Being a teenager is different for everyone, some people find it more easier than others and people, like me, HATE it. It's such a confusing stage in a person's life, they're not a child but they're still not yet an adult. I don't even know why I'm feeling sorry for myself.. I guess, it's not exactly that I'm moaning "Oh, my life is SO shit, everything's going wrong for me" cos it's not, you know? I guess I'm just generally upset, I'm very emotional at the moment lol x Oh, it'll pass, it has to, cos it's nothing really. Just sometimes I'm scared to talk to friends in case I say something I shouldn't, cos when I'm in a pissy mood I usually say stuff I shouldn't, that I'll regret later. I am seriously confused now, as I write I'm just confusing myself even more. Am I upset? Am I angry? Am I feeling sorry for myself? Or am I just in a general everyday bad mood, but this time it's lasting longer? I have NO fucking idea, but I'm gonna stop writing now and update this later, when I'm thinking straight. God, I don't even want to read over this post.. It's probably just really messed up lol, toodles ;) xx

Fighting Friends

It seems like every other week a couple of my friends are fighting, God even I'M sometimes involved. Well, now more of my friends are fighting. This time it's Aoife and Lucy. It all started a couple of weeks back when Me, Aoife and Merissa were all sleeping over in Laura's house. Aoife began telling us that Lucy had told her to stop talking to a "certain boy" and had also told that certain boy to stop talking to her. So shit happened, we comforted Aoife, obviously believed what she had said yada yada.. and all was forgotten.

Until Last Saturday..

Several of my friends, including Lucy, were in Laura's house. Aoife wasn't there and seeing as we hadn't talked about the incident that had occured, we decided to bring it up. It shouldn't have been a big deal us telling her what Aoife said you know?? Sure, Lucy SAID it, so it shouldn't have came as a shock to her or anything.

Well.... It Did.

Lucy got quite upset as she insisted that she HADN'T told ANYONE to stop talking to each other. We decided that we thought Lucy was telling the truth, as Aoife has quite a reputation for lying (long story). So shit happened, we went into school and Lucy wasn't talking to Aoife. Aoife knew what was going on though, without Lucy having to tell her as Lucy had told said boy what had happened and he told Aoife everything.

Then yesterday in school, Aoife got hold of Laura and told her that she NEVER said that Lucy had said any of that (fucking lie!!!!!!) and that she simply said it had been "implied" (ahem...no!!!!). We all know what Aoife said and now she is trying to twist and change everything, which is really annoying. Aoife is still my friend and always will be but this is just getting annoying you know??

Let's Start From The Top

Hey, the name's Keeva. I'm new to this blogger shit so my first few entries are gonna be pretty crappy.. If you choose to read them then that's awesome :) I'm just gonna talk about shit that's happening to me etc. so hope you "enjoy" lol xx

Keeva xxx